For me

This blog entry is really just for me to write a few things down.  This week has been such a blessing.  It has been so rewarding to have the little guy from Russia stay with us.  I would host again in a heart beat.  I have loved the experience and it has been so great for my kids.  Tonight I want to journal just about my "heart" issues.  It has been an emotional week.  I find myself tearing up almost daily.  Here are some of the facts.  The orphanage which he comes from is very, very poor.  At the age of sixteen he will have to leave the orphanage.  If he does not succeed, he is very likely to turn to crime.  There are no leads on my little guy for adoption (along with 3 others).  So you can see how this is heart breaking.  I keep talking to the Lord.  My conversations have been like this:  "Lord, His future is in Your hands."  "Lord, You know what is best for him." "Lord please send help from Your sanctuary."  "Lord, protect him, send him a mentor, provide for him." etc.  Today while we were at the pool, he looked up at me and smiled so big and gave me the thumbs up sign.  I just spoke to the Lord, "God I wish I could tell him that his future will be okay."  The reality is that I cannot even guarantee that for my kiddos.  It just makes me sad that this little guys doesn't have a mom or dad to love on him or look out for him.  I really am okay.  There are just moments and this is really not about me.  It's about the little guy.  So tomorrow as I take him to go back to Russia I know I will be sad but I will be okay. I will be on my knees for this little guy.  Thanks for letting me share.